PET Scan August 2012

Today I went in for the results of my PET scan. I actually got teh CD in the mail on Saturday so I had a chance to look it over. Before I get into that I have to back up and tell you how I was feeling before the scan.

I was under a lot of stress the week before so I was really worried and it could be that the stress came from the worry to begin with and I was really on edge that week. Anything would st me off. I have been on a lot of medication of and on so I'm sure that has a tremendous impact on my behavior and mood in general. So Stress was big last week. Lots of negativity running through my psyche but not in the way of loss of optimism towards my condition.I did, however, feel that the stress of last week was detrimental to my entering into the scan.

I've been having a lot of trouble swallowing my food and it just seems to get worse with occasional periods of good swallowing ability. So my concerns about that were strong too even though I would just write it off to the haietal hernia I have. The PET scan does have one set of images that one can see the hernia and how my stomach is in fact quite a bit above my diaphragm and in my chest thereby compressing my esophagus like an accordion with a funky bend and the stomach sphincter muscle and undulating motion of the esophagus are thereby inhibited.

But still, if there is shrinkage in the tumor then it seems things would be going back to what it was before the cancer somewhat. But it's not gotten any better in terms of ability to eat. I'm basically on a liquid diet.

So going into this I was feeling a little less optimistic than usual. I do not believe that my sudden fear or lack of optimism reversed tings in just one short week.

When I got the CD I checked it out and saw that the mass in my esophagus looked worse. Like there was more there. It seemed to have grown so going into today I just knew somehow that the news would be a little less than what was hoped for. Turns out I was right. The doctor said it seems to have grown and it was a logical time to switch to the treatment phase we are moving into. Of course at that point my mind is not absorbing everything and my ability to ask more questions is impaired by the thought that my condition may be worsening. He said that the cells most likely mutated and different cells are trying to take over now so the radiation along with the 24/7 chemo pump is the way to go.

Now I know I have a choice in this and I choose to proceed but I also intend on taking better care of myself now. In some respects I resigned to the chemo so much during the last seven months that there were a few periods of not paying attention to some of the simple rules in fighting the big C. I'm going with my intuition and have begun to study cook books more and taking charge of my diet better than I have been.

The chemo regimen I was on for seven months was a tough road both physically and mentally. It is not an easy task to do everything you should to maximize healing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the mental motivational side of you suffers in many ways too. You get irritable from the drugs like steroids or, in my case pain pills, and side effects of chemo. I get irritable because I'm so frustrated by not being able to mindlessly eat like everyone else.

I want to say something about the Doctors and the care I've gotten at the Cancer Institute. The care from the nurses in the chemo lab has been the best. Today would have been a full day of chemo based on the schedule I was on so today is really the first day of a new phase and I kind of miss seeing the nurses in the lab. I did stop in for 5 minutes to get my port flushed and say Hi.

My Doctor, well he's a nice guy but, honestly after the last couple of visits I feel like he's strangely detached from me. I know they are busy but it seems he does not know what's up until he comes into the room. No Prior looking at the scan or anything so you get about 10 to 15 minutes. I don't know maybe there is more he does with my case later but it seems he's just there real quick to tell me a few things and shuffle me on. Not much optimism comes from him. Thank god I have my higher self for that.

So that's the story. The tumor appears to have grown and there are a couple new spots that concern the Doc. The PET scan measures metabolic rate so the Black brain is a result if the high metabolic rate of the brain. This according to the PET Lab tech. So gong into it the way I did may have something to do with it.

The fight continues. just a little speed bump in the road to wholeness. Thank you all again for your healing loving prayers and thoughts.

Namaste

John Paul - Update

Hi everyone, yes it's been a while since I posted to my Blog. The reason is I don't want to cover the same old stuff over and over. Sure there have been new insights into the experience in general but for the most part not much has changed. Same ol routine.

What's new is that this is round 8 and the final round of what is the three chemo drug regimen. Now it's a come down from this session then a month off then radiation 5 days a week for a month and during that month I will be wearing a chemo pump that pumps the chemo into my body 24/7. Sounds like fun huh?

I'm not sure what to expect but gauging the medical people responses it may be a tough time with fatigue and eating. I'm thinking "oh great, I have trouble eating already". Going into this session at 165 pounds is the lightest I've gone into it.

I've been pretty weak but I think mostly due to the lack of nutrition rather than any effects of the cancer. The chemo has an effect too but lack of food is big. I can barely do a squat and stand back up unassisted. Muscle mass has decreased significantly. I will have to start working out soon.

I do go in for one more PET scan on August 22nd so lets see some more clearing and healing results then.

I'm so glad I'm on the tail end of this Cancer part.

For those who are not aware of the full scope of my current condition I want to share again that this whole process started with what's called a haietal hernia where your diaphragm tears open and your stomach moves it's way up into your chest causing things not to work right. It is a hernia that many have and live with but as with anything, It's different for everyone. My tear is 12 to 14 cm so it has to be fixed. There is no question. The question is when. Clearly I have to recover from cancer treatment before I have any kind of surgery so it may be after the first of the year before I can get that surgery done and have some quality of eating life back.

When I'm in this experience I have to say, if I have not already, that my focus is primarily on this hernia, I rarely think of the cancer aspect and rarely use that dreaded C word or associate it with my self. My head is not in the sand or in denial but in a place of knowing I've beaten it so lets move on to the eating issue.

The mental state and attitude has been my strongest tool in this experience.

Again I want to reiterate that this experience is positive. This has been a blessing in my growth in many ways. Now it's time to live what I've learned.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Much love to you all.

John Paul