Chemo Session 8 & PET Scan Results

Hey everyone. It's been a while since my last blog post. I don't want to cover the same old stuff so I don't blog much about it right now but today I have big news.

I got the results of my PET scan and it shows my body as really clearing up. In fact the liver cancer is gone. There is no sign of it in the scan and comparing this scan to the last side by side you can see significant improvement.

I've been able to eat much more normal for the last three weeks and I've gone from 162 lbs three weeks ago to 179 lbs today. I've been eating a lot of fast food to get there but the Doctors say that's ok for now. Do what I can to gain the weight.

I can't help but being emotional about my results. I'm so happy.

I do have more to deal with as far as the process goes. It's not over yet. They have scheduled two more chemo sessions after this 8th one now and then radiation treatment in September. This could be a year long process but whatever it takes right?

I want to thank all of my friends, family and all the people I don't even know who have been pulling for me. It's been an important part of my healing process and I am very grateful.

Bless you all.

John

Chemo Session Six and what's been up

Today is chemo session six. It's been three weeks since my last session and a lot has happened in that time. I've been having real difficulty swallowing food. On one hand they say I'm healing but my swallowing seems to be getting worse. Could be scar tissue or inflammation, obviously something. The only thing that helps me open up is the steroids they give me. I don't want to take them on a regular basis but they open me up and do make me feel good. I talked with the doctor about it today and in the short term it's ok so I can get through this but eventually long term there will have to be another solution. The steroids are an anti inflammatory so that's what is doing the trick.

When I talk about my condition I tell people that I am not so much focused on the fact that I have this cancer challenge. I am more focused on the fact that I cannot get food down. A friend of mine pointed out this weekend that the cancer is a past and future thing and that the swallowing is a present event. It ll made sense.

I've been well aware of the message the universe is sending me through this process and that is to slow down and me mindful and present in everything I do. So in effect if I look at this in my metaphysical way I see how this is showing me how I need to slow down. It's amazing how much focus I have to give my eating time.

I watch others eat and see how it's just a natural thing that is mostly taken for granted. There is no real thought in the process. In it goes and down it goes. MMMM Good I'm sure. It's such a basic need that I have such a new found appreciation for. Eating.

On a different note but in the same vein as letting go I have recently let go of my business in a way that frees me consciously in a very nice way. I've been stuck in my own control issues for many years with the money that comes in and whatever else. After a very stressful day I realized I don't want this stress of managing the company anymore. So I decided that I would give it to Mary. She is now in charge of the operation and I am a technical consultant. I realized that the money all goes to the same thing. We pay out bills with it and that's pretty much it. We don't draw a paycheck so basically what does it matter who does it if you are a team right? Besides, it has reached the point where her skills are more needed than mine in keeping it together and getting things in order for future growth. My role was to make the machine and I did and it brings in work on a regular basis without any real effort in soliciting that work. It's a machine I made that is now in it's time to be run by someone else.

As for the technical side of things I still need to be there and I am but but I have also hired someone to take over production. So there is that training process gong on and gradually I'm stepping out yet still overseeing quality and technical issues. It feels really good to let it go.

Really it is more of a consciousness shift in my relationship to the business than it is a physical leaving the company. I have to assure my regular customers that I'm still there to be sure the quality and service stays the same in this transition.

So now I don't see myself as having a job. No income other than what I can generate from sales of my art and other little projects which is really a very slow and low money making endeavor right now but it will grow. It's what I love to do so I have to go for it.

So in conclusion today I say my message is to Let Go! Be present! Be here Now! It is liberating.

Thanks for reading, many blessings and love to you all.

Cancer - The fight continues

Hi Everyone. It seems it's been forever since my last post but I feel like it's easier to post when I'm here in my chemo chair.

Last week I found out the results of my CT scan which indicated that the tumors are shrinking and have shrunk by 25%. The cancer is calcifying which means it is dieing. The problem is the mass is still in my throat making it very difficult to swallow food. Eating is still a major problem.

When I got my CT scan I spoke with a dietitian who gave me some good tips for diet and numbers to work towards in terms of calories and protein. So for the last five days I've met those needs and at times exceeded them. I started at 168.8 went up to 172.2 and today 169.4

So as you can see the trouble gaining weight is still there. It's been hard to find a good diet and understand what works right now. Many of you may have suggestions and I know you mean well and by all means please continue to offer suggestions. I look and listen but can't always act on them due to how I am feeling. weird cravings and aversions come up.

The weight gain has been the most troubling of this experience along with the discomfort from swallowing. Aside from that, many days I feel fine. A get tired easy but that's easy to deal with. Not much help with big chores around the yard right now though. Mowed our mini lawn yesterday and was ready for a nap.

Now I'm in my fifth round of chemo with three more coming over the next two and half months or so. Schedule all depends on blood count. I asked a few more questions today about the cancer and what the next steps will be. So basically it's chemo then probably some radiation and a chemo pill at the same time.

I asked about surgery and the Doc said he didn't think that would be the way to go because esophageal surgery is such a major deal. He seemed to think the radiation will do the final trick and then they may be able to put a stint in my esophagus to open it up so I can get food in but that may cause long term discomfort as well.

He said something along the lines that he did not think they could cure the cancer completely. Of course that is not good to hear but it means nothing to me. My plan is to ride this treatment out and see where it takes me then after my recovery from chemo I will continue to pursue alternate methods of treatment if needed,

I am healed, I am healthy and whole.

Thank you all again for your support and loving thoughts and prayers.

Update - Fianl Chemo Session...

So here we are in the final stages of scheduled treatment. Chemo session 4. My blood work was good so I'm in the final phase. I'm so glad to be here to today and getting this over with. Sure the rest of the week will be the Chemo come down but hey, it's almost over. I'm kicking cancers ass.

Next week I'm scheduled for a CT scan which is way easier than a PET scan where you have to stay in the machine for 25 minutes with a 45 minute per prep. In two weeks I meet with my doctor and we see where we stand with this situation. I anticipate excellent news.

I am still having considerable trouble swallowing my food every day. It takes an incredible amount of focus when I eat to be sure it's all chewed up and not to just go for it. I have to feel each bite go all the way down before ingesting more food or else there is trouble.

It's very frustrating but it is the initial reason I am in this boat. I still have this Haietal Hernia which will need to be addressed at some time down the road. Sucks to think that beating cancer is just the first step in this healing process. It's a big part and it needs to be beaten first so it it was it is.

Been feeling great for the most part. Pretty normal other than I feel like not me because I have no facial hair. Kind of got used to that so the new look is too much of a reminder that there is a sickness going on. I'm also down to 172 pounds but have been maintaining that weight for the past month or so. Along with that weight loss is a muscle weakness. Feeling like a weakling for sure. Can't wait to bounce out of that stuff.

I do feel like I'm moving out of the patient phase into the cancer survivor phase. It's weird how you can get wrapped up in it. It's easy to fall into the victim role and say I'm sick please care for me or whatever. It's nice to be taken care of and there is nothing wrong with getting into that mode it but that needs to be let go of too in order to heal completely.

There comes a point when you realize that you are going to be OK and it's time to start projecting that energy out to the world so they can see it too. To walk strong and confident that life is there for the making.

As I write this I feel that I have been blessed to a certain degree. So much has shifted inside in a non physical way that it has been somewhat enlightening. I see things slightly different now and I feel different. I can't quite explain how I feel but it's there.

I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life and spending time with my friends and family in a new light of life.

Namaste

Back on the Chemo Routine

So it's now chemo session three. I got to skip last week because my blood count was too low for the two week cycle. It was nice having an extra week off.

They are going to give me additional fluids now two to three times after chemo just to make sure I'm hydrated well and my Kidneys will not be damaged by the chemo.

My blood count today was really good so it's nice to know my body is working to fix its self over time. So here I am sitting in my chemo chair for the day. Doing a little work on the business with my laptop. Chillin' out, looking at the view and I have a couple of movies to watch. It's all good.

They may stretch me out to every three weeks after this one. Hard to say. Good thing is they are keeping track of it all and keeping me as safe as possible. The folks here at the WVCI have been great.

Namaste

Chemo Break

I went in today for session three. They start with a blood test and it turns out my blood count was too low for a treatment today so I get one more week off. Nice Break.

I've been feeling great, eating and swallowing better so I'm eating regular food again. Hopefully over the next week I can put on some weight.

That's it for now. Just getting through it. Catching up on work.

Peace and wellness to All.

Feeling Better after Chemo

It's day four after chemo started. Just got disconnected yesterday. I feel much better this time around than I did last time. It could be that last time I was going through a cold as well and on heavy pain meds. Or just first time shock. All I know is I like the fact that I'm not as sick this time.

I have a healthy appetite and again I am experiencing improvement in my eating and swallowing. I don't feel the same loss of Will as I did last time. I feel Like I can actually take care of myself now. Thanks again for all of the healing thoughts of support and prayers.

I am starting to experience hair loss now from the chemo. No biggie as it will grow back. Kind of weird though. We often think it's just the top of the head but it's all over. Maybe when it grows back I'll have more on top. :)

Other than that all seems and feels fine. Looking forward to a wonderful remission.

Love and Light to all.