Cancer - The fight continues

Hi Everyone. It seems it's been forever since my last post but I feel like it's easier to post when I'm here in my chemo chair.

Last week I found out the results of my CT scan which indicated that the tumors are shrinking and have shrunk by 25%. The cancer is calcifying which means it is dieing. The problem is the mass is still in my throat making it very difficult to swallow food. Eating is still a major problem.

When I got my CT scan I spoke with a dietitian who gave me some good tips for diet and numbers to work towards in terms of calories and protein. So for the last five days I've met those needs and at times exceeded them. I started at 168.8 went up to 172.2 and today 169.4

So as you can see the trouble gaining weight is still there. It's been hard to find a good diet and understand what works right now. Many of you may have suggestions and I know you mean well and by all means please continue to offer suggestions. I look and listen but can't always act on them due to how I am feeling. weird cravings and aversions come up.

The weight gain has been the most troubling of this experience along with the discomfort from swallowing. Aside from that, many days I feel fine. A get tired easy but that's easy to deal with. Not much help with big chores around the yard right now though. Mowed our mini lawn yesterday and was ready for a nap.

Now I'm in my fifth round of chemo with three more coming over the next two and half months or so. Schedule all depends on blood count. I asked a few more questions today about the cancer and what the next steps will be. So basically it's chemo then probably some radiation and a chemo pill at the same time.

I asked about surgery and the Doc said he didn't think that would be the way to go because esophageal surgery is such a major deal. He seemed to think the radiation will do the final trick and then they may be able to put a stint in my esophagus to open it up so I can get food in but that may cause long term discomfort as well.

He said something along the lines that he did not think they could cure the cancer completely. Of course that is not good to hear but it means nothing to me. My plan is to ride this treatment out and see where it takes me then after my recovery from chemo I will continue to pursue alternate methods of treatment if needed,

I am healed, I am healthy and whole.

Thank you all again for your support and loving thoughts and prayers.

Update - Fianl Chemo Session...

So here we are in the final stages of scheduled treatment. Chemo session 4. My blood work was good so I'm in the final phase. I'm so glad to be here to today and getting this over with. Sure the rest of the week will be the Chemo come down but hey, it's almost over. I'm kicking cancers ass.

Next week I'm scheduled for a CT scan which is way easier than a PET scan where you have to stay in the machine for 25 minutes with a 45 minute per prep. In two weeks I meet with my doctor and we see where we stand with this situation. I anticipate excellent news.

I am still having considerable trouble swallowing my food every day. It takes an incredible amount of focus when I eat to be sure it's all chewed up and not to just go for it. I have to feel each bite go all the way down before ingesting more food or else there is trouble.

It's very frustrating but it is the initial reason I am in this boat. I still have this Haietal Hernia which will need to be addressed at some time down the road. Sucks to think that beating cancer is just the first step in this healing process. It's a big part and it needs to be beaten first so it it was it is.

Been feeling great for the most part. Pretty normal other than I feel like not me because I have no facial hair. Kind of got used to that so the new look is too much of a reminder that there is a sickness going on. I'm also down to 172 pounds but have been maintaining that weight for the past month or so. Along with that weight loss is a muscle weakness. Feeling like a weakling for sure. Can't wait to bounce out of that stuff.

I do feel like I'm moving out of the patient phase into the cancer survivor phase. It's weird how you can get wrapped up in it. It's easy to fall into the victim role and say I'm sick please care for me or whatever. It's nice to be taken care of and there is nothing wrong with getting into that mode it but that needs to be let go of too in order to heal completely.

There comes a point when you realize that you are going to be OK and it's time to start projecting that energy out to the world so they can see it too. To walk strong and confident that life is there for the making.

As I write this I feel that I have been blessed to a certain degree. So much has shifted inside in a non physical way that it has been somewhat enlightening. I see things slightly different now and I feel different. I can't quite explain how I feel but it's there.

I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life and spending time with my friends and family in a new light of life.

Namaste