Hello everyone, I'm still here. It's been months since I posted to this blog I know. I kind of lost interest in keeping up with it once the radiation phase of my treatment took over. The radiation just hammered me and I had no desire to do anything.

It's been about three months since radiation and I still did not blog my status. Seems I've been in limbo for quite some time. I guess also once the news started turning bad I did not want to talk about it. Things were going good for a while then the cancer made a return. Big set back. I was pretty bummed to say the least.

I've been on a feeding tube for close to four months or maybe more now and we are finally at the phase where we are taking care of the hietal hernia that caused all of this to begin with. I'm sitting here in my motel room in Portland on the eve of my surgery. I check in tomorrow morning at 5:30 am and I think my surgery is at 9 but It may even be earlier than that.

They are going in laproscopically to pull my stomach down and sew up the tear in my diaphragm. The goal is to be able to eat and swallow again. I can swallow now but it just ends up stuck so the surgery is supposed to alleviate that condition. The doctors say there is no guarantee but once I made the choice they seemed to agree it was the right choice.

Once the surgery is done then it's back to focusing on a cancer free me. Right now, as of my last PET scan, it appears that the esophageal tumor has shrunk considerably but the cancer was back in my liver and lungs and a new spot of concern in my hip. Pretty scary stuff and I feel like the medical establishment wants to give up on me but I'm not giving up on me. I still believe I can beat this.

I'm on track with my naturopath oncologist now doing some alternative treatments to cleanse and build up my body. I'll be starting high doses of Vitamin C next week, IV drip, in addition to some of the Gerson stuff and a few other things.

We've been starting to do some juices in my feeding tube and I have been gaining weight over the last few days. I feel pretty healthy and the doctors say I look and seem healthy and my blood work is good and I'm strong so I have that going for me. I'm still in a lot of pain from time to time and a lot of that is just achy pain from laying around all the time. I have not had a lot of energy to do anything and have not had any exercise in quite some time due to the fact that I can't afford to burn off too many calories and I just have not had the energy.

With this surgery I will gain my ability to eat and gain more weight and have more energy so I can begin to rebuild myself. I feel it is a key component to my healing.

I also have all of you. Your encouragement and support this year has been a godsend. I'm so grateful that I have the friends and acquaintances that send love and prayers our way. I say our way because Mary is pretty deeply wrapped up in this too. She has been through it all with me and I can see how tough it is on her. She has been taking care of me in ways I'm not sure I could do. She is an amazing woman. I love you Mary. Thank you.

So now I'll chill here in the motel for the evening and focus on a positive outcome for my 12/12/12 surgery. I'll think of all of my friends and family and accept their love and prayers as they pour into my universe. I've been so blessed in my life and I have learned so much in the past 12 months that I am ready for my new life of shining brightly and being the best person I can be. I do believe I have changed. I still catch myself in some old patterns but much quicker and much quicker to let it go so I know this life lesson has worked to some degree. it's just been a hard way to wake up to certain things.

Blessings to you all, I send you all my love and surround you all in loving light and wish you all the best that life can bring.

Namaste

PET Scan August 2012

Today I went in for the results of my PET scan. I actually got teh CD in the mail on Saturday so I had a chance to look it over. Before I get into that I have to back up and tell you how I was feeling before the scan.

I was under a lot of stress the week before so I was really worried and it could be that the stress came from the worry to begin with and I was really on edge that week. Anything would st me off. I have been on a lot of medication of and on so I'm sure that has a tremendous impact on my behavior and mood in general. So Stress was big last week. Lots of negativity running through my psyche but not in the way of loss of optimism towards my condition.I did, however, feel that the stress of last week was detrimental to my entering into the scan.

I've been having a lot of trouble swallowing my food and it just seems to get worse with occasional periods of good swallowing ability. So my concerns about that were strong too even though I would just write it off to the haietal hernia I have. The PET scan does have one set of images that one can see the hernia and how my stomach is in fact quite a bit above my diaphragm and in my chest thereby compressing my esophagus like an accordion with a funky bend and the stomach sphincter muscle and undulating motion of the esophagus are thereby inhibited.

But still, if there is shrinkage in the tumor then it seems things would be going back to what it was before the cancer somewhat. But it's not gotten any better in terms of ability to eat. I'm basically on a liquid diet.

So going into this I was feeling a little less optimistic than usual. I do not believe that my sudden fear or lack of optimism reversed tings in just one short week.

When I got the CD I checked it out and saw that the mass in my esophagus looked worse. Like there was more there. It seemed to have grown so going into today I just knew somehow that the news would be a little less than what was hoped for. Turns out I was right. The doctor said it seems to have grown and it was a logical time to switch to the treatment phase we are moving into. Of course at that point my mind is not absorbing everything and my ability to ask more questions is impaired by the thought that my condition may be worsening. He said that the cells most likely mutated and different cells are trying to take over now so the radiation along with the 24/7 chemo pump is the way to go.

Now I know I have a choice in this and I choose to proceed but I also intend on taking better care of myself now. In some respects I resigned to the chemo so much during the last seven months that there were a few periods of not paying attention to some of the simple rules in fighting the big C. I'm going with my intuition and have begun to study cook books more and taking charge of my diet better than I have been.

The chemo regimen I was on for seven months was a tough road both physically and mentally. It is not an easy task to do everything you should to maximize healing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the mental motivational side of you suffers in many ways too. You get irritable from the drugs like steroids or, in my case pain pills, and side effects of chemo. I get irritable because I'm so frustrated by not being able to mindlessly eat like everyone else.

I want to say something about the Doctors and the care I've gotten at the Cancer Institute. The care from the nurses in the chemo lab has been the best. Today would have been a full day of chemo based on the schedule I was on so today is really the first day of a new phase and I kind of miss seeing the nurses in the lab. I did stop in for 5 minutes to get my port flushed and say Hi.

My Doctor, well he's a nice guy but, honestly after the last couple of visits I feel like he's strangely detached from me. I know they are busy but it seems he does not know what's up until he comes into the room. No Prior looking at the scan or anything so you get about 10 to 15 minutes. I don't know maybe there is more he does with my case later but it seems he's just there real quick to tell me a few things and shuffle me on. Not much optimism comes from him. Thank god I have my higher self for that.

So that's the story. The tumor appears to have grown and there are a couple new spots that concern the Doc. The PET scan measures metabolic rate so the Black brain is a result if the high metabolic rate of the brain. This according to the PET Lab tech. So gong into it the way I did may have something to do with it.

The fight continues. just a little speed bump in the road to wholeness. Thank you all again for your healing loving prayers and thoughts.

Namaste

John Paul - Update

Hi everyone, yes it's been a while since I posted to my Blog. The reason is I don't want to cover the same old stuff over and over. Sure there have been new insights into the experience in general but for the most part not much has changed. Same ol routine.

What's new is that this is round 8 and the final round of what is the three chemo drug regimen. Now it's a come down from this session then a month off then radiation 5 days a week for a month and during that month I will be wearing a chemo pump that pumps the chemo into my body 24/7. Sounds like fun huh?

I'm not sure what to expect but gauging the medical people responses it may be a tough time with fatigue and eating. I'm thinking "oh great, I have trouble eating already". Going into this session at 165 pounds is the lightest I've gone into it.

I've been pretty weak but I think mostly due to the lack of nutrition rather than any effects of the cancer. The chemo has an effect too but lack of food is big. I can barely do a squat and stand back up unassisted. Muscle mass has decreased significantly. I will have to start working out soon.

I do go in for one more PET scan on August 22nd so lets see some more clearing and healing results then.

I'm so glad I'm on the tail end of this Cancer part.

For those who are not aware of the full scope of my current condition I want to share again that this whole process started with what's called a haietal hernia where your diaphragm tears open and your stomach moves it's way up into your chest causing things not to work right. It is a hernia that many have and live with but as with anything, It's different for everyone. My tear is 12 to 14 cm so it has to be fixed. There is no question. The question is when. Clearly I have to recover from cancer treatment before I have any kind of surgery so it may be after the first of the year before I can get that surgery done and have some quality of eating life back.

When I'm in this experience I have to say, if I have not already, that my focus is primarily on this hernia, I rarely think of the cancer aspect and rarely use that dreaded C word or associate it with my self. My head is not in the sand or in denial but in a place of knowing I've beaten it so lets move on to the eating issue.

The mental state and attitude has been my strongest tool in this experience.

Again I want to reiterate that this experience is positive. This has been a blessing in my growth in many ways. Now it's time to live what I've learned.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Much love to you all.

John Paul

Chemo Session 8 & PET Scan Results

Hey everyone. It's been a while since my last blog post. I don't want to cover the same old stuff so I don't blog much about it right now but today I have big news.

I got the results of my PET scan and it shows my body as really clearing up. In fact the liver cancer is gone. There is no sign of it in the scan and comparing this scan to the last side by side you can see significant improvement.

I've been able to eat much more normal for the last three weeks and I've gone from 162 lbs three weeks ago to 179 lbs today. I've been eating a lot of fast food to get there but the Doctors say that's ok for now. Do what I can to gain the weight.

I can't help but being emotional about my results. I'm so happy.

I do have more to deal with as far as the process goes. It's not over yet. They have scheduled two more chemo sessions after this 8th one now and then radiation treatment in September. This could be a year long process but whatever it takes right?

I want to thank all of my friends, family and all the people I don't even know who have been pulling for me. It's been an important part of my healing process and I am very grateful.

Bless you all.

John

Chemo Session Six and what's been up

Today is chemo session six. It's been three weeks since my last session and a lot has happened in that time. I've been having real difficulty swallowing food. On one hand they say I'm healing but my swallowing seems to be getting worse. Could be scar tissue or inflammation, obviously something. The only thing that helps me open up is the steroids they give me. I don't want to take them on a regular basis but they open me up and do make me feel good. I talked with the doctor about it today and in the short term it's ok so I can get through this but eventually long term there will have to be another solution. The steroids are an anti inflammatory so that's what is doing the trick.

When I talk about my condition I tell people that I am not so much focused on the fact that I have this cancer challenge. I am more focused on the fact that I cannot get food down. A friend of mine pointed out this weekend that the cancer is a past and future thing and that the swallowing is a present event. It ll made sense.

I've been well aware of the message the universe is sending me through this process and that is to slow down and me mindful and present in everything I do. So in effect if I look at this in my metaphysical way I see how this is showing me how I need to slow down. It's amazing how much focus I have to give my eating time.

I watch others eat and see how it's just a natural thing that is mostly taken for granted. There is no real thought in the process. In it goes and down it goes. MMMM Good I'm sure. It's such a basic need that I have such a new found appreciation for. Eating.

On a different note but in the same vein as letting go I have recently let go of my business in a way that frees me consciously in a very nice way. I've been stuck in my own control issues for many years with the money that comes in and whatever else. After a very stressful day I realized I don't want this stress of managing the company anymore. So I decided that I would give it to Mary. She is now in charge of the operation and I am a technical consultant. I realized that the money all goes to the same thing. We pay out bills with it and that's pretty much it. We don't draw a paycheck so basically what does it matter who does it if you are a team right? Besides, it has reached the point where her skills are more needed than mine in keeping it together and getting things in order for future growth. My role was to make the machine and I did and it brings in work on a regular basis without any real effort in soliciting that work. It's a machine I made that is now in it's time to be run by someone else.

As for the technical side of things I still need to be there and I am but but I have also hired someone to take over production. So there is that training process gong on and gradually I'm stepping out yet still overseeing quality and technical issues. It feels really good to let it go.

Really it is more of a consciousness shift in my relationship to the business than it is a physical leaving the company. I have to assure my regular customers that I'm still there to be sure the quality and service stays the same in this transition.

So now I don't see myself as having a job. No income other than what I can generate from sales of my art and other little projects which is really a very slow and low money making endeavor right now but it will grow. It's what I love to do so I have to go for it.

So in conclusion today I say my message is to Let Go! Be present! Be here Now! It is liberating.

Thanks for reading, many blessings and love to you all.

Cancer - The fight continues

Hi Everyone. It seems it's been forever since my last post but I feel like it's easier to post when I'm here in my chemo chair.

Last week I found out the results of my CT scan which indicated that the tumors are shrinking and have shrunk by 25%. The cancer is calcifying which means it is dieing. The problem is the mass is still in my throat making it very difficult to swallow food. Eating is still a major problem.

When I got my CT scan I spoke with a dietitian who gave me some good tips for diet and numbers to work towards in terms of calories and protein. So for the last five days I've met those needs and at times exceeded them. I started at 168.8 went up to 172.2 and today 169.4

So as you can see the trouble gaining weight is still there. It's been hard to find a good diet and understand what works right now. Many of you may have suggestions and I know you mean well and by all means please continue to offer suggestions. I look and listen but can't always act on them due to how I am feeling. weird cravings and aversions come up.

The weight gain has been the most troubling of this experience along with the discomfort from swallowing. Aside from that, many days I feel fine. A get tired easy but that's easy to deal with. Not much help with big chores around the yard right now though. Mowed our mini lawn yesterday and was ready for a nap.

Now I'm in my fifth round of chemo with three more coming over the next two and half months or so. Schedule all depends on blood count. I asked a few more questions today about the cancer and what the next steps will be. So basically it's chemo then probably some radiation and a chemo pill at the same time.

I asked about surgery and the Doc said he didn't think that would be the way to go because esophageal surgery is such a major deal. He seemed to think the radiation will do the final trick and then they may be able to put a stint in my esophagus to open it up so I can get food in but that may cause long term discomfort as well.

He said something along the lines that he did not think they could cure the cancer completely. Of course that is not good to hear but it means nothing to me. My plan is to ride this treatment out and see where it takes me then after my recovery from chemo I will continue to pursue alternate methods of treatment if needed,

I am healed, I am healthy and whole.

Thank you all again for your support and loving thoughts and prayers.

Update - Fianl Chemo Session...

So here we are in the final stages of scheduled treatment. Chemo session 4. My blood work was good so I'm in the final phase. I'm so glad to be here to today and getting this over with. Sure the rest of the week will be the Chemo come down but hey, it's almost over. I'm kicking cancers ass.

Next week I'm scheduled for a CT scan which is way easier than a PET scan where you have to stay in the machine for 25 minutes with a 45 minute per prep. In two weeks I meet with my doctor and we see where we stand with this situation. I anticipate excellent news.

I am still having considerable trouble swallowing my food every day. It takes an incredible amount of focus when I eat to be sure it's all chewed up and not to just go for it. I have to feel each bite go all the way down before ingesting more food or else there is trouble.

It's very frustrating but it is the initial reason I am in this boat. I still have this Haietal Hernia which will need to be addressed at some time down the road. Sucks to think that beating cancer is just the first step in this healing process. It's a big part and it needs to be beaten first so it it was it is.

Been feeling great for the most part. Pretty normal other than I feel like not me because I have no facial hair. Kind of got used to that so the new look is too much of a reminder that there is a sickness going on. I'm also down to 172 pounds but have been maintaining that weight for the past month or so. Along with that weight loss is a muscle weakness. Feeling like a weakling for sure. Can't wait to bounce out of that stuff.

I do feel like I'm moving out of the patient phase into the cancer survivor phase. It's weird how you can get wrapped up in it. It's easy to fall into the victim role and say I'm sick please care for me or whatever. It's nice to be taken care of and there is nothing wrong with getting into that mode it but that needs to be let go of too in order to heal completely.

There comes a point when you realize that you are going to be OK and it's time to start projecting that energy out to the world so they can see it too. To walk strong and confident that life is there for the making.

As I write this I feel that I have been blessed to a certain degree. So much has shifted inside in a non physical way that it has been somewhat enlightening. I see things slightly different now and I feel different. I can't quite explain how I feel but it's there.

I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life and spending time with my friends and family in a new light of life.

Namaste

Back on the Chemo Routine

So it's now chemo session three. I got to skip last week because my blood count was too low for the two week cycle. It was nice having an extra week off.

They are going to give me additional fluids now two to three times after chemo just to make sure I'm hydrated well and my Kidneys will not be damaged by the chemo.

My blood count today was really good so it's nice to know my body is working to fix its self over time. So here I am sitting in my chemo chair for the day. Doing a little work on the business with my laptop. Chillin' out, looking at the view and I have a couple of movies to watch. It's all good.

They may stretch me out to every three weeks after this one. Hard to say. Good thing is they are keeping track of it all and keeping me as safe as possible. The folks here at the WVCI have been great.

Namaste

Chemo Break

I went in today for session three. They start with a blood test and it turns out my blood count was too low for a treatment today so I get one more week off. Nice Break.

I've been feeling great, eating and swallowing better so I'm eating regular food again. Hopefully over the next week I can put on some weight.

That's it for now. Just getting through it. Catching up on work.

Peace and wellness to All.

Feeling Better after Chemo

It's day four after chemo started. Just got disconnected yesterday. I feel much better this time around than I did last time. It could be that last time I was going through a cold as well and on heavy pain meds. Or just first time shock. All I know is I like the fact that I'm not as sick this time.

I have a healthy appetite and again I am experiencing improvement in my eating and swallowing. I don't feel the same loss of Will as I did last time. I feel Like I can actually take care of myself now. Thanks again for all of the healing thoughts of support and prayers.

I am starting to experience hair loss now from the chemo. No biggie as it will grow back. Kind of weird though. We often think it's just the top of the head but it's all over. Maybe when it grows back I'll have more on top. :)

Other than that all seems and feels fine. Looking forward to a wonderful remission.

Love and Light to all.

Feeling Better and Chemo Session Two

I've been feeling pretty good since about Tuesday of this past week. Feeling almost normal aside from the fact that I've lost over 40 pounds from this ordeal. That makes me feel a little week but for the most part I feel normal.

I have been able to eat better and swallow my food without any major obstruction. The pain I was feeling in my back and chest is gone as well. This is all a very good sign. To me it's an indication that the chemo is working and the tumor is shrinking.

I'm sure that my positive attitude and the help from all of my friends and family with their positive thoughts and prayers are a big contribution to my success in healing as well. I could not do it without you all. The love and support we have received is incredible. We are so very grateful for everything.

Today I'm back in the Chemo Lab. Session two starts today. I come in on Wednesday for pump disconnect and a fluid boost and they are giving me a steroid pill now to take so I'm thinking I'll be getting through this better this time and I'm not sick with a cold at the same time.

So now it's a matter of sitting here for the next 5 hours as the IV drips into my system. I have my laptop, my iPhone and a book to get me through the day.

Love and light to everybody. I'll keep you posted.

John

Chemo Blahs

One week later I'm coming out of it. The last few days were miserable. One thing I had not expected as a side effect was the suppression of my Will. I had no desire to eat. the thought of food gave me nausea. I could not even get myself to drink water. For three days I could not do what I know I needed to do to get through this.  I lost interest in everything except laying there and sleeping. It kind of freaked me out a bit.

To top it off I've got a cold. Many have said to me "you can't afford to get sick now". I fully realize that but what can one do. Sometimes it's just unavoidable.

Today I called the cancer center and told them what was up. They had me come in for blood work which came back normal and gave me some antibiotics to fight off the chest cold. They also gave me a two and a half hour dose of fluids to get me hydrated and medicated in other ways.

At the moment I feel pretty close to normal other than I'd love to have a juicy burger (sorry vegans) but can't. I miss good food or something bad for you every once in a while. Tomorrow it's back to work to wade through the pile of orders I have to get out in the next few days. I'm sure I can do it as long as I can stay feeling good.

Still feeling sick from the chemo

Today is Saturday, so day six of this first chemo session experience. Yesterday afternoon I thought I crossed the hump and would start feeling better. Today I slept in, woke up slow. Seem to be lacking motivation. Could be the chemo or any of the other drugs I'm on right now.

I went in to the shop to take care of a few things but before long the nausea set in. Nausea SUCKS. I took my anti nausea meds and drank some ginger tea. Just now getting home it hit me heavy again. I was hoping by now I'd start feeling back to normal but it feels kind of like a lingering flu.

How The Cancer Was Discovered

I think it was in December of  2011 when I decided to contact my doctor for a routine annual exam. When visiting the doctor they told me that I had high blood pressure and they needed to get me on medication to get that under control. So we did that and I went on for about a month with a lot of anxiety about having a heart attack.

One day while driving back from Portland I was having chest pains so the following Monday when I was back at my Doctors office I told him. He took a chest X-Ray and and EKG to check my heart and everything seemed fine as far as he could tell with the exception of the X-Ray showing that my stomach was up in my chest as the result of a haietal hernia.

I'd been having some trouble swallowing and some back pain too so this seemed to explain what might be causing that. They decided to have me talk with a Surgeon to see about pulling the stomach down and fixing the hernia. The Surgeon said he could not make an assessment about what to do until we were sure there was not a tumor blocking my esophagus and causing my swallowing issue.

Nest step was to have them look down my throat with a camera. Needless to say they found a tumor and said it looked like cancer. A week later I found out it was cancer then a week later I found out it was at least stage 3 then a week after that I had a PET scan which confirmed it was actually stage 4 and they also found it in my liver and my lung.

It was that final bit that set me on the course of treatment I have chosen with the chemo. That and the amount of pain and lack of ability to eat really made me feel like knocking it back with the chemo was the way to go. So now here I am in that process.

For those of you who have not followed the entire blog, please know I am aware of the bad aspects of chemo and I am on a nutrition plan for going into it, during treatment and after. I've seen and read about many alternative treatments that have been shared with me and am engaged in some of them as well.

Thanks to everybody for your support. Mary and I are are eternally grateful for your generosity in helping us financially through my benefit fund or helping us with food and other tasks and many thanks for all of the kind words and love you have all sent out way.

Surviving Chemo Session 1

Today is Thursday February 23rd. Got off the chemo pump yesterday. So far so good. It has not been as bad as I was thinking it might be. I did have some heavy nausea on day 2 and yesterday I ate my anti nausea pills ahead of any nausea that might come on.

Mostly what I feel is tired. I had a lot of little naps yesterday. I feel a bit dizzy but then I do have this pain patch I am wearing that is supposed to make you dizzy so it may not be related to the chemo.

Besides the fatigue the other main effect I feel is the lack of appetite. I have to force myself to eat. Taking the day off today to try and focus on that.

In a nut shell, I don't feel 100% but I don't feel that bad either. I still feel strong ready and able to beat this cancer.

Chemo day 2 part 2

Well today went pretty good up to a point. I got a lot done with the help of my friend Charles who stopped in to volunteer some time. Its such a blessing to have great friends.

About 3:00 pm I began to feel woozy, appetite throughout the day was suppressed. When I forced myself to eat it was not fun and I could only eat about half of what was served up. I've also had the hiccups off and on for long periods of time all day.

About 4:00 pm the nausea kicked in and I had to go home. Hit the bed right away. Power napped and now it's on to more water and trying to eat some soup. Hopefully a green smoothie later.

What a ride

Chemo Day 2 part 1

Up today and taking it slow. Woke up feeling hungry but not really able to eat as well as I thought I would. maybe feeling a bit of the appetite suppression. Feeling ever so faint nausea. Got my meds and ginger tea to fight that.

So in a nutshell I feel a little different. Some of that could be psychological.

I'm still on the chemo pump today so I'll be getting dosed as I am at work. Not to worry. If I feel bad I'll be coming home. Mary is taking good care of me.

Many of you have been so generous with your donations, love, sharing and advice. Mary and I really appreciate it. Words can't express what I feel from it. Know that we are there for you in times of need as well. Let us know if there is anything we can do to give back.

We both send you love, light and many blessings.

John and Mary

Chemo Day 1 part 2

So I made it through the day. The worst part was that I had to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes or less then they gave me something that made me go every 2 to 3 minutes. The day went fairly quickly and I'm now home. I'm still on a chemo pump I wear on my hip until Wednesday afternoon.

So far I feel fine but they say it takes a couple of days to hit. I think I'm prepared and ready so I'll try my best to keep you posted.

Mary was great, She hung out with me all day and brought me soup and took care of me. Thank you Mary.

It was great to hear from all of you today who followed the experience and some of you who heard it for the first time. I feel the love and support from you all and it's been amazing and a big part of my healing process.

Thank you to all of you who have made a donation. I will do my best to thank you all personally as time and how I feel permits.

I'm actually going to go to work tomorrow, unless I feel like crapola, and get some jobs out. I'm way behind and one good day could bring me back to a more manageable schedule as I train Jeff.

I'd love to just chill out at home and work on healing but I can't let the business get any further behind.


Blessings to all my friends and family.


John Paul

Chemo Day 1

It's a little after 6 am on Monday February 20th. My appointment is at 9 am. Chillin' out right now, waking up and am of course a bit nervous about the whole thing. Not knowing what to really expect.

I've read about a lot of side effects and I pray I don't have many of them. Some say I won't feel the effects right away.

Today I have a lot of pain which has been pretty steady for a while now. I feel like I'm going in just in time. The  idea with the chemo is to knock this sucker back to where I can manage it better. And be able to eat normally.

I've had some pain pills for the last few days but not sure if I can take them today or not. They are pretty potent and the last thing I want is to be hooked on them. They sure do work though.

So wish me luck today and pray it's an easy road for me. I know your thoughts are with me and for that I am grateful.

Blessing, love and Light to all.

John Paul

Medical Insurance Woes

When I went in  to get my consultation for my chemo port surgery they called me back and asked if I had gotten a call about my insurance. They said the insurance provider was denying my chemo treatment and the surgery for the port.

All I could think at that moment was that this just keeps getting worse every time I come in. Will the news ever get better?

As I sadly walked out of the room I checked my voice mail and there was a message from the cancer institute that the insurance company had reversed their decision and would pay after all but for only  two sessions of  the four chemo sessions the doctors want me to have. So we'll see how that plays out.

I am fortunate that just before this was discovered I was able to get on an Oregon State health insurance plan for low income people. I realize I am way more fortunate than many when it comes to having insurance that but I really don't know how long it will last.

Along with the conventional medical doctors and treatment there is the naturopath oncologist which in all honesty is who I believe is really going to get me through this. I'll talk more about that in another post.

The insurance only covers conventional western medicine will not cover any naturopath medicine, treatments or Naturopathic doctors visits.

Just in the last two weeks I think I've spent close to $1000.00 on the natural aspect of my healing with visits to the nathropath and supplements needed. Expenses are racking up and we have gone through what little savings we had so I'm to the point now where I am asking for help from anyone who can give it. Anything helps. Financial help is welcome but I realize that is a lot to ask so even prayers or kind words of encouragement will do.

I'm so fortunate to have my wife Mary who is suffering hard from this experience. She has been so wonderful in helping me in so many ways to get through this. I really feel it's harder on her than it is on me.

I'm also blessed with the best friends anyone could ask for. I'm overcome with emotions at times when I think of all of those who have offered kind words and prayers for me. Those who have made me soup so I can eat something that tastes good. Keeping myself  fed right now is a big thing since I cannot eat any solid foods. Thank you Ruth for that awesome broccoli soup the other day.

I realize I'm not the only one suffering from this sickness. There are many I'm sure who are far worse off than me that could use the help more than me which is another reason why it is so hard to put this out there and ask for help for Mary and myself as we get through the next few months.

If you feel you can donate to my cancer fund then please know I deeply appreciate anything you can contribute. Money, soup, encouragement, positive loving energy. It's all good.


I will be setting up a main donation page on my website but you can also make a donation from here.

I love you all and wish the best for everyone.
 
John Paul

Today I get my Chemo Port.

It's a little before 5 am and I can't get back to sleep. This is my usual wake up time but today, in about 4 hours, I go into surgery to get a port installed in my chest so they an hook me up to a chemo delivery device I wear for three days starting Monday.

After three days it gets disconnected and two weeks later I do the same thing repeated for two months. Then I go in to get scanned to see if there is improvement, which there will be.

I'll be drugged up but not totally out for this procedure. They say I won't have any memory of it. I have had other other procedures before where they use similar drugs. You go in then the next thing you know you are waking up in recovery.

Needless to say, I'm nervous about the whole thing. It's not something anyone would want to do unless they had to. Mary will be there waiting and my friends Michael and Deborah will be coming from Portland to meet me after I get done.

My surgery starts around 8:45 am so if you read this then I ask for your positive visualizations and prayers that all goes well.

Blessings, Love and Light

Namaste to you all.

:)

Hello My Friends, I'm facing a very serious challenge right now. I've struggled with the idea of whether I should share this information publicly or not. I don't want it to appear that I am looking for sympathy because I'm not. My challenge is no greater than many who suffer similar situations. All I ask is for your prayers, positive outlook, love, support and continued friendship.

I do feel it is important to share my experience in hopes that someone else facing a similar challenge may find something in my experience that will help them on the road to recovery.

I have been diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer with spreading to my liver and my lung. I got the final word on that just this past Monday. It's been 4 weeks of  Doctors here and there to find out each time that the news was worse than expected.

Now I know where I stand in terms of what is going on inside physically. I have shared this with some of my close friends and others who have shared advice regarding what course of treatment I should take. It's been very confusing. Ultimately I have to choose what I feel in my heart because I'm the one facing it.

I've decided to walk the middle road. Naturally the medical Doctors were the main ones that found this situation and they have been great with me. Once I found out it was Cancer I found a naturopath oncologist who knows my medical oncologist and vice a versa. They seem to have mutual respect for each other and will work in conjunction with each other through my treatment process.

The cancer in me so so advanced that I feel that chemo is going to have to be part of this process. I go in tomorrow to have minor surgery to have a port installed into my chest so they can hook me up. I start my therapy on Monday February 19th.

There are many who disagree with the idea of chemo but then many of those I have talked to are not facing this. I can't eat solid food. I can barely swallow. I've lost 40 pounds and I know in my heart that this is the right choice for me along with guided nutrition therapy from my naturopath oncologist to help me get through the chemo and into my remission.

My spirits are good. I'm optimistic and positive I can beat this. Yes I am afraid too. Mostly of the process of getting through this. At times my emotions run high. Usually when I see my wonderful wife Mary and how she is suffering through this as well. When I tell my friends and I see their reaction it hurts to see them suffer that sadness. I also feel so wonderfully blessed by this because I can feel their love for me and it is a beautiful thing.

This entire thing changes ones perspective for sure. I'll share more of my thoughts and experiences as I can. Until then. Namaste my friends.